Good Evening. It has come to our attention that there was a national alert recently sent to phones across England and Wales. The stated alert was to ensure people did not take actions that may further the spate of wildfires in the UK, due to emergency services being overwhelmed.

It was our assumption that this would also advise everyone to both make a cup of tea for themselves and family, as well as anyone working to stop these wildfires, and anyone who has been displaced due to them. Sadly, due to a clerical error, this was not included.

As a reminder, if there ever is a regional or national tea alert, after you have finished your panic attack or involuntary body movements, you should always follow the following.

• Boil a kettle, to maximum capacity. Normally this is not advised, however you are not just making tea for yourself, but others.
  
  
• Offer a cup of tea to anyone in your household. If they refuse, make one anyway, just in case whilst the water is hot.
  
  
• If there is anyone in your vicinity who seems distressed, please also offer a cup of tea to them. If you have any Dundee Cake or similar, it is advisable to offer one to them also.
  
  
• If there is any form of emergency service veichle in the vicinity, prepare a cup of tea and offer it to them. Takeaway cups may be used solely for this purpose. Please ensure you have an adequate supply.

We once again apologise for this inconvenience. Larry (cat) is progressing this issue in the next COBRA meeting on our behalf.